Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
