I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
