I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
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