I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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