If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
