She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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