worst night to have a conscience
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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