week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
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