do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
