come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Randomize
