Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
