no, he came in my armpit
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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