I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Success! We fucked roommates!
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
