Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize