Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
