I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
