I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
