her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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