I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
