i barfeds in our rink
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
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