I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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