i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
