so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
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