I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Randomize
