somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
