JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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