just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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