Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
