my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Boobs speak an international language.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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