We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
BRING THE BAGELS
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
