My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
