Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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