I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
You had me at "let me see your balls"
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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