I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Randomize
