I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Randomize
