Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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