you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
