Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Couch. On fire.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
