Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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