Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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