First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
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