remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
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