Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
