my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Randomize
