Just took my morning after pill in the library
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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