She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Randomize
