he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
