Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
