i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
