Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
