We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Randomize
