Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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