8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
