How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
