Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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