Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
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