Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
