Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
My penis needs a shock collar
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
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