i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
