Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
