They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
