He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
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