i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
