Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
