He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize