sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
